Roman will be 9 months old on June 20th. Time is going to fast! He is as much an angel today as he was at birth. So laid back, sweet and loving. He adores Rocco and his mommy and daddy. Roman does a sort of army crawl to get around and started getting up on his fat little knees a few days ago. He still flops down on his belly but he is almost there! He loves to pull himself to standing and sees no need to be sitting anymore. He loves to crawl to the blue ray player and push buttons, therefore, causing Rocco to throw fits because he has interrupted his cartoon. When Rocco screams at him, Roman just looks up at him innocently and smiles, then he screams too! He thinks it's a game. Too cute! He loves his baby food but wants so badly to eat what everyone else is eating. It's really difficult because he struggles to get the food out of your hand and then looks so hurt when you keep it from him. I can't eat in front of him for this reason. I am likely to have to perform CPR because he is choking on my pizza, all because I can't stand to see his hurt little expression! But, my all-time FAVORITE thing that he does is WAVE! He waves his whole fat arm up and down to say "hi" or "bye." I melt. He is my precious angel baby. I love him! I love how his little, chubby body melts perfectly into mine when I hold him. I love how his whole face lights up when I greet him good morning. I love how he laughs and giggles and screams in delight. I love how he lays on his side, leaning up on his elbow and lays his other arm along the side of his fat body to check out things. I love how I can see his Daddy in his face, personality and in his excitement for life. I love the joy in his eyes whenever he sees my little monster Rocco!
So my 2 1/2 year old LOVES pacifiers. He is borderline obsessed with them. With Matt and I as his parents it is not surprising that he is a little intense and has obsessions. Anyway, we have heard so many people, including family comment that they are not good, they lead to teeth problems, blah, blah, blah. Matt and I generally ignored everyone. But we did work on it with him, slowly limiting his usage of the "binks." Currently, he only has them at nap and bedtime. They stay on his bed and never leave the safety and comfort of his bedroom.
So the other night I asked Rocco if he is ready to throw the binks in the trash. He casually says, "yes" and saunters downstairs and tosses them in...like it was nothing. Then he announced, "I'm big now!" Wow, that was easy! NOT!
The next two days proceeded to be the most difficult and stressful days we have had since Rocco was sick at about 2 months old. He screamed, cried, threw things, slammed doors and looked in the trash over and over again for his beloved "binks" Each time to be reminded that he threw them away. I talked him through it, I acknowledged his feelings, I tried to replace the binks with other forms of comfort, such as blankets, pillow pets and stuffed "friends." I held him while he cried and then finally after two hours he fell asleep out of exhaustion. He wouldn't nap and spent his days tired and angry...The next night, after expressing all his anger he just stopped and looked at me and said, "Mommy, I feel sad." Don't get me wrong, sadness is natural and normal and it needs to be felt and experienced. It is part of being human. But, when it can be avoided, why invite it in? So I asked myself, why am I doing this? What harm are these items doing to my little boy...the only harm at this point is that my son is in distress because he doesn't have them. And I realized that I was doing this to avoid the criticism of others that don't even intimately know my son and his personality. I was doing it to appease the pediatrician who doesn't see how the absence of them causes a broken heart. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what "people" think. It matters that my son feels safe and secure and happy.
Currently, my little Rocco is napping happily in his bed with his bink for the first time is 3 days. I am looking forward to having my happy little boy back. All things will pass in time, he will dispose of them when he is good and ready and I will never again force anything on him that will cause such stress. He is an individual after all, and my job is too keep him safe and love him and help him to be the person that he is, naturally.
I try to remember everyday, as I tuck my healthy babies in their beds, how truly blessed my life is, in this exact moment. Knowing full well, that at any moment everything can be turned upside down. But for today, right now, I am grateful. My heart aches for a dear, sweet family that is suffering in unimaginable ways. I know there is nothing I can do or say and so I just remember them...and sometimes I cry for them and wish so much that I could change their circumstances. And I try so hard to take nothing for granted...it's overwhelming.
My sweet husband often brings flowers home for me. I make sure to tell Rocco that Daddy brings them to Mommy because he loves Mommy. (Taking my opportunities to teach him how to treat ladies.) Yesterday Rocco saw my new flowers and said, "Daddy! These flowers are pretty-ful." How.cute.is.that!