Thursday, June 18, 2009

Who are these people?

Anyone with a Mac knows of the fun you can have with is the man of my dreams looking seeexxxyyyy! And my mom...and my kids...yes and even my beautiful baby boy. Woowee! I have nothing much to say except that I am trying to convince myself that life is an adventure...and it is worth it to dig up your roots and re-plant them in a new and strange place. I guess as long as I have this hottie with me and those lookers for kids all is ok! Right?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Poop and Dad's...

Where do I begin?  Let me start by saying that Matt prides himself in his diaper changing abilities...he welcomes one day he is changing our stinky little boy and he gets an important phone call.  I run over to take over the changing is what I find...

A skid, yes a skid on the sheet on my side of the does that happen?  I have never left a skid on the surface of the changing.  But that is not all...above Rocco's head and to the left is a poo pebble, a real poo pebble and to my delight, it was on Matt's blanket.  Did he let Rocco pick it up and drop it above his head?  How in the world did it get there?  I left the scene as it was.  He's the crime analyst, who knows, he might have wanted to investigate how it all happened.  

I pointed out the skid and then told him to explore his blanket as I casually walked away with my clean little Rocco in tow.  

I hear this from the other room!  "EW...WHY DID YOU LEAVE IT THERE!"  

Dad's are funny. 

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Have you ever sang a baby to sleep?  Our little grouch was having trouble getting himself back to sleep at about midnight last night.  Normally he just falls back to sleep on his own.  As a result, I got to experience what had to have been one of the top 5 moments of being Rocco's momma.  I cuddled with him and started singing.  It amazes me that even the flawed voice of mommy singing can soothe a baby to sleep.  After about 20 songs...I looked at the beautiful little child in my asleep.  It was one of my proudest and most cherished moments.  So...if you have never sang a baby to sleep, I recommend it.  

Friday, April 3, 2009

To DeAndre

For my strong and struggling son...your talents are immeasurable and are deeper than what we have seen you portray on a court, field or track.  You can redefine who you are or find the hunger that lies within you.  You are loved.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear  is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are ALL meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  marianne williamson

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

From the desk of a chubby child...

It is important that you all know about my favorite things:

1.  Being in my birthday suit is about the free-est feeling around.  I can easily bring my feet up to my hands, and on a good day, I can suck on my own toes.  Additionally, my parents get a great view!

2.  Elmo!!  He makes me light up like a christmas tree.  My Daddy has perfected his voice so I can hear Elmo even when the TV isn't on - what a deal.

3. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is the jam.  My Mommy sings her heart out to this song when I'm complaining in my car seat, and I just have to be quiet and listen.

4. My Dad's silly dances and raps.  If he even knew how goofy he looked.  I laugh and laugh at him.

5. Books!  I will wiggle every limb at once if you read me a book!

6. Watching my Mommy and Daddy play with me together - I just can't stop smiling...

7. My doggy!  I talk to him, reach for him and let him lick the food off my fingers.  When I get my hands on him, I grab his fur and pull!  I can't help it, it's so much fun.

8. The swing, but not the one in the house.  I love watching the ground move beneath me.

9. Being outside.  I can even do a bird impression.  Seriously, I can copy a bird chirp verbatim.  It makes Mom laugh.

10. The sound of my own voice.  I yell, shriek, wail, scream, babble and coo all day!  It's a blast.

11.  My cousin Kaydence.  I spend two days a week with that silly girl.  I love to watch her and talk to her.  She even kisses me sometimes!  I'm a lucky kid.

Friends and daughters...'s weird.  Does anyone really take the time to read these?  So this year has been strange and wonderful and sad all at once.   Ironically, losing my dad opened up a door to my past that I thought might be closed forever.  I have reconnected with those people from the past that helped to shape the person I am today, those people that left lasting imprints in my memory of joy, laughter, heartache and good times.  My girls from high school...I look back and wonder how I ever lost touch with those 3 amazing friends.  We vowed to be best friends forever...I guess part of it was my own decision.  You make decisions that your friends might not support and you feel  it and maybe you pull away without knowing that you are doing it.  I know I changed and that the decisions I made will never be regretted but would life be different?  I am grateful for them, for them then and for them now.  Through the years their words echoed in my mind so many times...memories of them forced their way in and made me smile or cringe or laugh.  Watching my Olivia become a teenager and act silly with her friends posed the question...did I act like that?  The answer was an astounding YES!  I reflect often on the sneaky things we did to assert our independence...and when Olivia can't stand to be home and I want to feel sad about that, I remember those girls and how much I needed them, how much I wanted to just be with them and how happy and safe I felt with them.  Then, I can look at my little girl and know that this is her create amazing relationships and friendships, that will no doubt shape the woman she becomes and I have the knowledge that it will come full circle...and someday she will come back to me just like I did with my momma.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

So, I don't want to be the parent that always thinks every single thing their kid does is the cutest thing ever, but.... look at this kid?!?!

The definition of adorable.

Googootz & Aunt Elaine
The Cat in the Hat at Changing Hands Bookstore!

Chillin' at DeAndre's first track meet this season...
Rocco's new loungin' chair

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Dear Dad, 

I almost didn't make it to Utah to see you before you passed away.  I kept putting it off and putting it off because to make the decision meant acknowledging that you were leaving us.  It was Olivia that finally pushed me into reality when she practically begged me to let her see you one more time.  I forced myself into clarity, for her, and made the decision to pack up my family and leave home indefinately.  The heartache was almost unbearable and somehow I was able to numb myself into action.  Grief is a powerful emotion, our family knows it well after losing Jer Bear. (Give him a huge hug from me by the way....) I will always be grateful to Olivia for pushing me.  I cringe at the thought that I might not have seen you hold Rocco and hear you sing him that song you sang, even while you struggled to speak...of not hearing you nickname him the "Italian Stallion" :).  I would have missed you holding Olivia and telling her to watch out for "fleas."  I wouldn't have seen you hold DeAndre's hand and heard you tell him that he has God-given talents and that he must remain humble.  I wouldn't have seen the heartache in their eyes as they hugged you goodbye.  Their tears for you made me see them in a new  light...their vulnerability and tenderness.  What beautiful children I have...I wouldn't have known that you "trusted me with your life" and that you thought Matt and I "were two of the greatest people you have ever known."  I have learned that we cannot avoid suffering because through it there is beauty and we change in ways that wouldn't be possible without it.  Sadness is necessary as it is part of the human condition and we all need to be reminded once in awhile that we are fragile and have more learning to do.  Thank you for being my dad.  Thank you for loving my children and for appreciating all those things about me that also drove you crazy!  I miss your kind and smiling eyes, I miss your laugh, I miss your strength, I miss hearing your voice on the other end of the phone, the messages you left singing us "Happy Birthday, "  I miss hearing you call me "sweetheart."  

Until we meet again,