Roc N Ro With Us: What is happening...?

Overwhelmed...this is possibly the craziest year of my married life..4 fluid kids moving in and out and up and down...so many changes have my head spinning...and often this profound sadness settles in and hangs over my head at all I say goodbye to this year. My son...as he graduates from high school and moves on to college...my baby Rocco as he leaves the safety of my arms and the peace of home, where whatever he is..is loved and embraced and on into the world of school...where he must navigate so much more and I hope...hope so hard that we have instilled enough confidence, enough guts, enough bravery to come home feeling whole after he enters the world away from us...and Olivia as she struggles to find her place in the world...her sweet soul trying to find that place that feels like home. Looks like Arizona might be that place and so I cling to whatever time I have with her...for this year might be the year she flies off on her own...who decided kids must leave the "nest?' Roman is still home with me...demanding he's not a baby and changing from little boy to big boy...I so badly want to call him baby, even as he tells me no...and tell him to just be...just be you little Roman. Perfect little you...as I whisper baby so he doesn't hear me...so many changes. All that I am, is mom, it has defined me for more than half my life. I embraced it from the beginning and loved it..because I adored so completely the little souls that looked at me with their big lovely eyes...looked at me and to me for everything. Such joy...such love...how do I even begin to imagine leaving my son in a dorm room...all the joy that goes with him overwhelms me. Sad...sad...sad...I am so not ready for that day...the thought of it causes me to feel this panic like nothing I have felt before. Does he have any idea what he means to me? Does she? I hope so...I hope that they are filled with self love because of how I have loved them.

We bought a beautiful home...in Virginia....I love my house...I love that I have a place for my kids to call home. I love feeling settled and being surrounded by the beauty of Loudoun County...but we are in Virginia...still...sometimes it takes my breath away and I feel like I'm suffocating. I miss my friends. Just miss them. There is nothing like the comfort of friends...feeling at peace with people that really know you and love you anyway and just love you. So my hope is that this year settles into a rhythm of joy and the assurance that we are in the right place...even if it's just for a time. And I remember that they do come home...even if only for a holiday or a long weekend or a summer...they do come home...there's no place like home. Oh, and may they always know how much I want them to come home...So behind on this blog...